In a sincere effort to be viewed as a polite and a selfless individual that lives to care for and accommodate others, we forget that these characteristics are "sold to many of us as a defining feature of the good woman." As women, we are forever faced with the catch-22 conundrum of how to be “good women,” as defined by antiquated social norms, while being fierce in our business endeavors?

The cycle must be broken. Just look at successful women - the women that we envy and admire, like Madeline Albright, Michelle Obama, Valerie Jarrett, Lilly Singh, Mindy Kaling, Elaine Welteroth - these are just some of the women that broke free from the binds of traditional definitions of what makes a woman “good.” Does this mean that these women don't care about their families, are bad mothers and partners, or are somehow not good people? No. In fact, many of these women are visionaries, community advocates, and true exemplars of conquering for causes of positive consequence. If you dig deeper, the stories of these women show a pattern of bravely embracing the un-traditional.

But, the sad truth is that competence alone doesn’t magically bring you clients or open the doors to your dream job. Competence gets the job done, but it does not get you the job. What does? The ability to build lasting business relationships within a community that fits the person that you are right now, not the person that you think the world wants you to be. For me, I could not build sustainable business relationships for a long time - that is, until I learned how to honor my whole self whenever I walk into any networking space. I went from hiding in bathroom stalls to closing multi-million dollar deals that I generated from my network.